That week was a whilwind week of phone calls and texts from/to the case worker and Tator's bdad. More questions from/to us to/from him/them. While we were home thinking through bedrooms and who would sleep where, and needing to paint the pink room that may be Hulk's new room and going through clothes to see what I had on hand and what we would need to buy, etc. We had time...so we weren't rushing. We wanted to paint the pink room anyway...so we will do it next week. Even if she doesn't come to our family, it needs to be done. And that was the only think on the immediate agenda. We had time for everything else. Or so we thought.
We left the previous Sunday with the impression of a longer transition, but maybe only a few weeks. After Thanksgiving. That changed quickly and the following Sunday, we were back at their house...to pick up Tator. There would be no transistion, no more waiting. This sweet blue eyed little girl would be joining our family. We were excited, and sad at that same time.
Ya'll...adoption is joyful...and it is extremely sad. Bittersweet is the best world to describe the emotions of that day. Our greatest joy...is their greatest sorrow. We hung out at the house with their family for awhile. Knowing that was the last time she would be there, in their family, like that, made me want to stay as long as they wanted. Again, we visited and talked and played...and cried.
Driving away, with Tator in the car, was one of the hardest things I have ever done. I have no idea how much of that day Tator understood. I hope she understood her bDaddy telling her that he loved her. I hope she understood when he told her he would always love her. I hope she understood that he did this because of how much he loves her. And if she didn't that day...then we will continue to remind her of it throughout her life.
Friday, March 13, 2015
Tator...part 1
Nov2
We walk into her house. Immediately we see the arms of a tiny, beautiful little girl, fly open wide. She's wanting a hug from us all. And of course we would love a hug from her too. She is much smaller than we imagined. We were told she was small..but seeing her brought it to reality. Standing beside me was my super tall Bug who is actually younger than this little girl and they looks years apart in age. But her smile and bright blue eyes make up for her tiny little self. She says 'hey' to us all and goes about her business playing.
We see her father sitting on the sofa and go over to him. We are huggers, so we of course hug him as well. You can see the sadness in his eyes as this decision has been so incredibly difficult. He loves her, no doubt. We heard it in his voice when we had talked before, but to see it in his eyes as he looks at his daughter confirms it all. We talk about lots of things. He and Hubs talked about sports and kids and random things. There was really never any awkward chit chat, and it really felt as if we were visiting old friends. The case worker and I talked for awhile about adoption in general and our families and our views on the world, etc.
I sat and read an Elmo book to this bright blue eyed little girl and watched as she and Bug and Hulk played well together. We didn't really know how they would behave or understand what this visit may mean and I prayed they understood and also prayed that their hearts were guarded. But as I watched them read books and play cars and build blocks and play in the pretend kitchen, my heart smiled.
And hour or so into the visit, the case worker asked me what I thought of this bright eyed little girl. And I smiled (my heart was smiling bigger) and told her I thought she was wonderful. My heart was guarded for many reasons. The case worker than began to talk to the father about what he was thinking and he confirmed that he felt like it was going well and he wanted to move forward. She spoke to him about time-frame and he wanted a longer transition. Maybe Christmas? Maybe Thanksgiving? Either was fine with us...we understood that this was hard and that a transition may be best anyway.
Soon after, we said our goodbyes. That little blue eyed girl gave us all hugs and kisses and said goodbye. We left feeling good...and a bit anxious...and a bit scared. But we knew that if this was God's plan, than He would reveal it. We left with this little girl and her dad in our hearts...
more in Part 2...
We walk into her house. Immediately we see the arms of a tiny, beautiful little girl, fly open wide. She's wanting a hug from us all. And of course we would love a hug from her too. She is much smaller than we imagined. We were told she was small..but seeing her brought it to reality. Standing beside me was my super tall Bug who is actually younger than this little girl and they looks years apart in age. But her smile and bright blue eyes make up for her tiny little self. She says 'hey' to us all and goes about her business playing.
We see her father sitting on the sofa and go over to him. We are huggers, so we of course hug him as well. You can see the sadness in his eyes as this decision has been so incredibly difficult. He loves her, no doubt. We heard it in his voice when we had talked before, but to see it in his eyes as he looks at his daughter confirms it all. We talk about lots of things. He and Hubs talked about sports and kids and random things. There was really never any awkward chit chat, and it really felt as if we were visiting old friends. The case worker and I talked for awhile about adoption in general and our families and our views on the world, etc.
I sat and read an Elmo book to this bright blue eyed little girl and watched as she and Bug and Hulk played well together. We didn't really know how they would behave or understand what this visit may mean and I prayed they understood and also prayed that their hearts were guarded. But as I watched them read books and play cars and build blocks and play in the pretend kitchen, my heart smiled.
And hour or so into the visit, the case worker asked me what I thought of this bright eyed little girl. And I smiled (my heart was smiling bigger) and told her I thought she was wonderful. My heart was guarded for many reasons. The case worker than began to talk to the father about what he was thinking and he confirmed that he felt like it was going well and he wanted to move forward. She spoke to him about time-frame and he wanted a longer transition. Maybe Christmas? Maybe Thanksgiving? Either was fine with us...we understood that this was hard and that a transition may be best anyway.
Soon after, we said our goodbyes. That little blue eyed girl gave us all hugs and kisses and said goodbye. We left feeling good...and a bit anxious...and a bit scared. But we knew that if this was God's plan, than He would reveal it. We left with this little girl and her dad in our hearts...
more in Part 2...
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