This is hard...

Adoption is hard.
It is emotionally difficult.
It is draining.
It is hard.

I continue to repeat things to myself:
"as long as each child has a family...that is what matters. It is ok if it is not us"
"Maybe God brought this situation to us, so this little one could be covered in prayer?"
"We agreed, that if this didn't happen, we are ok"
"An open door for adoption...means it could happen at any time"
"It's ok that this is hard. It is easy for us compared to the mothers considering adoption"
"This is God's journey...and we are simply along for the ride"

But let me tell ya...it. is. hard.

The last couple of weeks, we have been called about 2 different situations. Both were children who needed to be placed quickly. Both tore open our hearts and made us examine every aspect of our lives and family. Both made us wonder if we were strong enough. Both made us realize that this is a journey like no other.

We are about as wide open as you can get when it comes to this adoption. Age, race, gender, special needs. In the past couple of weeks, we were called about a toddler and a baby to be born in a couple of weeks. 2 different situations. The toddler had significant needs and a lot of unknowns. Many things that were a bit unexplained...was it due to neglect? Is it something that could improve with a team of medical professionals? Or not? The baby is expected to have a brain deformity as well as some other possible issues. His unknowns have a HUGE range of possibilities. Both of these children tugged at us. And our hearts wanted to say yes yes yes! But after much prayer and soul searching and thinking about our 2 children and the makeup of our family...we had to say no to both situations.
It is a horrible feeling.

I never heard back on the first situation, but I know that there is a wonderful family out there who is equipped to handle his needs. And for the baby that we have spent the past couple of days praying about...lifting his parents up...praying for peace and unity about the decision.....we found out today that a family stepped up for him. A forever family who felt like he was meant for them.
My heart rejoiced!

As much as we want to say yes to each and every child that comes our way, we have to make ourselves step back and evaluate.
It is hard.

So, as I sit here tonight indulging in the leftover chocolate frosting from tonight's cupcakes as I drown my sorrows of uncertainty...I am also celebrating for the family who put there yes on the table for this baby to be born soon. Adoption is about finding a family for each and every child...it is NOT about us. Not every child is meant for us. We are not the best fit for every child.

But I rejoice that we ARE for 2 amazing kiddos who are already in our family. I cannot imagine our lives with these two. They drive me insane at times...but they are my world and I am thankful for each and every second we share. God is good...He is faithful. He has proven it time and again. And I know, that if it is His will
...then He will again.