Just thinking...10 things on my mind.

1. Adoption comes from loss. 
Our children will grieve the loss of their birth parents and we will grieve with them. We go through things with our children that you may never understand. We hold our children as they cry over someone that they are forever connected too...and yet may have never met or may not remember. It's okay that you don't understand, you don't have to. But please understand that it can be difficult...watching your child hurt, hurts you as well.

2. Love is awesome...but it's not always enough in adoption. 
Children who have been adopted need a lot. They need validation and acceptance. They need to find themselves and understand who they are and where they come from. Each child copes with their adoption differently. And while love isn't enough...it certainly doesn't hurt to reinforce how much I love my children. So, I tell them all. the. time. I especially tell them during the hard times...we all feel unlovable at times, and I want my children to know that they are loved...at all times...forever and ever.

3. I am not color blind. 
*do I hear a gasp from the audience?* Yes, I see my children's beautiful brown skin. Just like I see what color shirts they are wearing and what color toy they are holding. Their skin is part of them and ignoring it or pretending I don't see it...well, that's crazy. We talk about race in our family. Both of our children are very aware that our family looks different than many others. I think *not* talking about something makes it appear shameful. We don't discuss race every waking second, but when the opportunity arises, we discuss it. If parents don't openly talk about something, it makes it more difficult for a child to bring up the subject. So, we talk about race. We talk about differences. We also talk about similarities. As much as we all look different from one another, we are also very much alike.

4. I often forget my children are adopted.
I know that is hard for many to believe. But there are times that I actually forget that my children were not born to me. Those moments at the doctors office when completing family medical histories...more than once I have completed it and then ask for another form. Why? Because the history I just reported is NOT my kids medical history. They were not born to me and we do not share the same history. But it's happened more than once...and I'm sure it will happen again. And a couple of times when I look blankly at someone after asking 'How old was she when you adopted'...and my reply is 'how did you know she was adopted?'. Yes, sometimes I do this to be funny, but there have been a few times that I seriously wondered how they knew!!
I simply can not imagine loving my children any more even if they were born to me. I would give my life for them. I would do anything for them. They are my heart!

5. I will always be my child's advocate...always.
No matter how young or old, I will always be their advocate. I will always be by their side. Just as you will do whatever it takes to protect your child. So will I. My children both came to us with little to no medical history. So, if the time comes, I will do whatever I have to do to for them medically. If they are in a situation at school that others don't understand, I will be there to protect them and be there if needed. Even if it's as simple as a family tree project that you may not think is a big deal...but my children do.

6. I have friends that I feel are super close and yet I've never actually met them.
Yep. Don't think I'm crazy when I'm talking about my friend...and can't remember her last name or exactly what state she lives in. I know it sounds strange, but I have friends that I've known for nearly a decade through adoption. Friends that have traveled the same journey as we have. Friends whose children are the same age as mine and are currently experiencing the same things as we are. Friends who I know will understand when my everyday, in real life, friends may not. That doesn't mean that my real life friends aren't important (you are!!)...but I know that if you haven't 'been there, done that', you may not relate as well as my adoption buddies.

7. I may become invisible when you are talking about your pregnancy. 
It's not because I'm jealous, or not interested. It's simply because I have nothing to contribute to the conversation. I don't want you to feel awkward around me when you realize that I'm just listening and not contributing. I understand your passion about your pregnancy and your baby. But I just don't have anything to say as I haven't been through it. Just think about how you would feel if you were in the midst of a bunch of adoptive mommies talking homestudies, dossiers, ICPC, USCIS, I171, fingerprints, clearances, revocation periods, relationships, agreements, visas etc. Could you relate if you haven't been through an adoption? It's the same if you haven't been through a pregnancy. And while I have never had the desire to be pregnant, many of my adoptive mommy friends have. And the inability to carry a child is a loss...and they simply don't want to be reminded of that loss.

8. Our children's story is just that...THEIR story. 
While we are a wide open book about adoption...we are not a wide open book about our children's story...ie, the reason they joined our family. We love their birth mothers and are forever thankful that they each chose life and ultimately adoption. But the reasons behind those decisions are not mine to tell. While many do know much of their stories, I will not tell a stranger, so don't ask.

9. Please think before you speak. 
People almost always approach us in stores, at the grocery, at the park, etc. They ask about adoption, raising a multiracial family, etc. If you are truly interested in learning more about adoption, I will be happy to talk to you. If you are being nosey, sorry, I will kindly blow you off.
But, no matter which category you fall into, please watch what you say and how you say it and please notice that my children are around. Remember that they have ears and can hear you. I do understand that you may not know proper adoption etiquette, and I'm not easily offended, but my children are not always as understanding as I am. When they hear things like 'who's their real mom' or 'do you have any of your own kids'...it makes their sweet little hearts wonder if they are not my children and if I'm suddenly a pretend mommy. And for the record, I am not invisible or pretend, so I must be be real.

10. I will get angry if you talk poorly about my children's birth mothers. 
I have never met either, but I love them. The reasons my children were placed for adoption are both as different as they are....but they chose LIFE over the alternative. And they chose adoption for a life they could not provide. I love them. I am not intimidated by either. They both have an important role in my childrens lives. And while they are not actively involved in their lives at this moment...that doesn't mean it will always be that way. I fully expect to be searching for both one day. Adoption is the marriage of two families. They are our family. These woman gave life to my children.
They gave them life. They gave them LIFE. They. Gave. Them. Life.
How could I not love them?

Canvas Cuties...THANK YOU!!

I wanted to take a second and say THANK YOU to all who supported in this super quick fundraiser. Hulk is beyond thrilled that it went so well. We will start painting tonight!!! Thanks soooo much for your support and for making Hulk's heart grow just a little bigger. He has a heart for others, a heart for orphans, a heart for adoption.

He has said time and time again...'all kids should have a family'.

That is so simple. And yet, so many take it for granted. Hulk does not remember not having a family...but the truth is, one day he too was without a mommy to tuck him in at night or a daddy to play ball with. And while he doesn't remember it...he does understand that his life could be much different than it is today.

But, what we all know is...this is how God planned his life. God knew that he would be our son. God knew that his heart would be this big. And I know God has amazing plans for Hulk's life.

HE WILL CHANGE THE WORLD!!!!

He's already changed my world...

Canvas Cuties - Adoption Fundraiser! HOPE!!

Our kids LOVE to paint! They love to mix paints and sit and create art. While spending a little time creating some artwork this past weekend, my son had a fantastic idea for a fundraiser. I love that my kids 'get adoption'. I love that they pray each day for another brother or sister. I love that they want to be involved in the process.

Hulk's idea: "What if we make something that people will love and give it for a few days...then make something else and give it for a few days. I'll help paint!!!" ~Hulk

See, I think this is a fantastic idea!! So, we painted our first item on Saturday and I have to say...I LOVE IT!!! I am excited about this and so is Hulk. And I'm sure Bug will jump in and help too!

So, this is how it will work:
The item below will be available this week 1/13-1/15 (Mon-Wed). There is no price on these, it will be donation only. Any amount you choose is greatly appreciated!! The kids and I will make everything on Thursday and Friday and mail them out on Saturday. That's it! Easy Peasy Lemon Squeesy!

Hulk's goal for this week....20!! Do you think we can make it to 20?!

So here it is! So cute, huh?!
4x4 Canvas, blue and red with burlap ribbon. I always love an anchor.
It represents HOPE! "We have this hope as an anchor for the soul..." Hebrews 6:19  
Cute for a wall hanging, for the office, for the door or anywhere else you can think of.

UPDATE!
A HUGE thank you to all who donated to Hulk's fundraiser!!! He was incredibly excited when I told him the number that we needed to paint. We had a great time painting them and putting them together. The last couple of weeks have been crazy busy around here. Life happened and we all know how things change on a dime when we don't need them to. All that to say...these are going out in the mail and delivered to the locals very soon!!! They are so cute and I'm so proud of Hulk for putting his heart into these!!! And again...thank you! Thank you for your support!!!!

 

Raing day painting...

I knew this morning was supposed to be nasty and rainy and the kids would quickly get cabin fever. So after supper last night, we ran into the craft store and grabbed a couple of things for some morning painting. Once they got into it, they really enjoyed it. We ran out of things to paint (while waiting for first and second layers to dry) and I ended up grabbing some canvas' I had put back. I have to say...I love all the things that they made.

They made me laugh, talking like they were great and famous artists in their studios. They had me laughing so hard! I love when kids see the true art in things. Things don't have to be perfect, they just have to look like what your mind tells you it should. While they were painting and creating their sweet things, I asked each to help me paint a couple of small canvas' I had.

Can I just say that I LOVE LOVE LOVE the way they looked when they finished?! Partly because of the sweet hands that helped make them. When we finished, Hulk offered up the sweetest idea...he wanted to sell his artwork to help fund this adoption. He has the most compassionate heart! If you missed the post about him helping friends of ours last year with his lemonade stand, well it's worth the time to read it!

We talked a little about his idea and Bug offered some suggestions as well. Let me just say...I think their ideas are fantastic!! I hope you all like it too! I'm going to work on some things tomorrow and let you all in on it this week. I can't wait! I love that the kids want to be involved and that they are walking this journey with us.

So, stay with me...something fun is just around the corner!!

Adoption Update

Well here goes. I've hesitated to post an adoption update for a variety of reasons. But now that we are there...I feel like I can fill everyone in on the last couple of months.

So, a couple of months ago we sat with a mom and her friend. I will call them B (mom) and K (friend). It was a great supper and a long conversation. We laughed and talked and truly felt connected to B. We all left and I felt like we were simply parting with long friends. B is due this month. She wanted more for her baby than what she could provide at the time. I heard her heart and I committed myself to pray for her. As a mom, I felt very connected to her. I have never been in her situation. And while it is somewhat complicated...it is not uncommon.

So, while there was little I could do for her, the one thing I could do was pray for her. I prayed for her health, but mostly her well being. I couldn't imagine the emotions that must be present during those last few weeks of pregnancy when consider adoption. Communication was difficult, but again, I don't think that was unusual given the circumstances.

B's friend K, was helpful and always very sweet. She updated us as she could. We knew that through Christmas and New Year's, communication could be even more difficult, everyone is busy and lets face it, holidays often bring chaos. Not a bad chaos...you know, your life no longer has a schedule chaos! ha!

We reached out to K for an update last week. I had hoped to have supper or at least meet with B and K this past weekend. But instead...B had the baby! A little early, but we all know babies make their arrival on their own time.

Our emotions were all over the place. We were concerned for B, and concerned for the baby. How were they? Were they healthy? Could we do anything? Did she want us there? Was she still considering adoption?

Fast forward to this week. Things are more complicated than I can go into here. But what I can say is that we are assuming that B is keeping the baby since we have not hear any more from either B or K.

We are ok. We know that if this was our child, then it would have happened. 
Our hearts are at peace. And we know that B knows we are here if things change. 

As much as we would love to adopt again, we never want to adopt if mom isn't 110% sure that adoption is the best option for her and her child. Our prayer now is specifically for B. We pray that everything falls perfectly into place for her and her new son. We pray that God will guide her and impact her life like never before.

So, what does that mean for us? Well, it means we are in the same place we were a couple of months ago. We committed to an 'open door' for adoption. We still know that if God plans for us to adopt again, than He will allow it to happen.

How can you continue to help? As always, please pray for us. Please pray that God will guide and direct us and help us when difficult decisions are in front of us. Please let others know about us. You never know who may be considering adoption.

And as always, thank you for your thoughts and prayers!!

Me and Hubs
Hulk and Bug

Ringing in the new year...saying goodby to the old year...

2013 was a year we will never forget. It was a year of major ups and downs. In January 2013, we started the new year praying God would lead us to an end to our business of 7 years. We knew it was time to move on, time to make a change and we started the year hopeful that God would lead us to the answer. And He did. It was/is a major change in our family. Financially, it is much different...in both good and bad ways. Our income in less...but so are the expenses. We were blessed in late 2012 for Hubs to start working with a great company that has continued to this day. They are wonderful and we feel amazingly blessed for Hubs to be working with them.

Month by month, things have changed. We've adjusted to our new 'norm'...which means we are doing things that have brought our family closer even though it took awhile to realize it. We've had to cut our budget and adjust financially. But that also means that we are eating home more and staying in more. We are being creative about our time out and being more aware of what we are spending. We sold 2 vehicles and are currently driving 2 vehicles that are completely paid for. We've paid down debts a little at a time. I am learning to shop more frugal and be more aware of things that I purchase.

All in all...while it has been hard at times...I am choosing to find the joy in it all. We are happy! We are healthy! Spending more time home has brought us closer to one another. Hubs new job, while not as flexible, brings more consistency into our family...something we needed although I don't think we realized it. Being able to spend Christmas and New Year's with Hubs home with us...not stressing about what he needed to do, was amazing this year. That is something we haven't had in many many years. Not going out all the time and not treating the kids to everything they want has allowed them to be more thankful than they once were. Trust me...they still get a lot, but not a toy each and every time we go to the store.

In August we updated our homestudy for another adoption. Given the fact that Hubs recently changed jobs, I know people thought we were crazy. And that is totally ok. But if those people could feel the pull we felt...the heart God have given us...the absolute push, to put our YES on the table again...well, they wouldn't think we were crazy at all. See, when God tells you to do something...you do it. You don't question it. This was one of those times!! We said yes to having an open door to adoption. We are currently on our Faith Journey of adoption.

We've watch Hulk continue to grow into the amazing young man he is. The last couple of years we watched as he has struggled academically in school. His frustrations were breaking his spirit and that broke this Mommy's heart. But this year...oh this year...has been AMAZING!! I have no idea what made it click. Maturity, teacher, curriculum...all of the above? Who knows?! What I have seen, is a confident young man who is bringing home lots of As and Bs. I have seen a young man whose compassionate heart has blown me away time and time again.

We have watch Bug as she has grown from a baby girl to a big girl. She keeps us laughing every day. I've watched her grow in gymnastics and heard her sweet voice talk time and time again about wanting to be a cheerleader or gymnasts when she grows up. I've heard her sweet prayers as she asked God to give her another brother or sister. I've listened as she's started asking the difficult adoption questions, and watched as her heart absorbs the reality of the story she has known her whole life.

I've talked with many families this year. I've talked about adoption, being a multi-racial family, different types of relationships in adoption. I've listened, and talked and cried with many of these families. I've watched as several of these same families started the adoption process and welcomed their new children home this year. Being a tiny itty bitty part of that has been amazing. I've watched as close friends have opened their hearts to adoption and welcomed their babies home...and I've loved snuggling with those amazing bundles of God's beauty. Hubs and I sat and talked with a mom a few months ago about adoption for her unborn baby. Our hearts broke for her, we felt immediately connected to her and I was blown away at her courage and strength. That few hours changed our lives. We left feeling like we had known each other forever. Our prayers continue daily for this sweet mom and for all moms considering adoption for their children.

So what am I looking forward to this year?
Oh so much!
I would love to learn to coupon more and do freezer meals and more crock pot, easy meals.
I would love to find a better schedule to keep my house cleaner (yea..I hear all of you laughing!! bahaha!).
I would love to find a better balance between family and the studio.
I would love to work closer with adoptions, whether in counseling or creating profiles again, or education...or maybe something else. This has been my prayer for years but I feel like this is the year!

I'm excited to see where this adoption journey will lead. We could be so very close to our next child and possibly so incredibly far away. Only God knows at this point where that journey will lead. He has asked us to be faithful and follow Him...and we are! In more ways than one!

In all honesty, I have no idea what this year will bring. We will continue to be faithful and trust Him. So from our family to yours...HAPPY NEW YEAR!!